WRITING CONTEST- RESULTS OUT

[h a z e l]

Please read everything before you post!

Hello everyone

I've always been a huge fan of writing; I've kept diaries for years and attempted at least 100 novels I thought it would be a fun idea to host a writing contest and get to know my fellow writers out there in the game


Rules

1. You have to write a creative short story about this race: http://www.horseworldonline.net/competi ... dition=371
2. Ideally, the story should be between 300-800 words in length
3. Absolutely no language or inappropriate content allowed- please write your stories as if your audience was a group of young children- or your grandma


Point System
I will be judging your stories based on a point system. There will be four categories I will be judging- Story Flow, Research, Interest, Grammar. You will get 0 points in a category if I don't feel you did particularly well in that area. You will get 5 points if I think you did an excellent job in that area. The player with the highest number of points in the end wins the contest

1. Story Flow (if your story has an outline and flows together well and structurally instead of just a jumble of words and phrases)
2. Research (if you obviously studied the race, its participants, etc. and implemented this into your story)
3. Interest (if you hold my interest throughout the story or not)
4. Grammar (if you use proper grammar or not. I understand that English is not everyone's first language, so I will not be focused on spelling as much as I will be focused on run on sentences, incomplete sentences, etc, etc.)


Prizes

1st place- $1,000,000
2nd place- $500,000
3rd place- $250,000

[Lila25172]

Hi Hazel!
This is my entry!

This morning I got loaded into a trailer while my friends each got loaded into seperate trailers. There was a lot of noise; this was making me nervous. Where am I going? Am I going to have to run a bunch of laps around a field with an uncomfortable rider on my back again? The truck started driving and I stumbled against one of the trailer walls.

About an hour later, I was led out of the trailer. We were in a big grassy field next to a huge rounded stadium. I was just wondering if I could eat some of the grass when someone started yelling and all the horses around me became skittish and were trying to break loose. "What am I doing here?" I thought. Then all of the horses, including me, are led to an entrance in the huge stadium. There is sort of stable block there, but this one is made out of shiny metal and there is no food to be seen. I am put into a stable and my people walk away leaving me with a bunch of skittish, nervous, and annoying other horses. If this is a hotel, I give it zero stars!

In the afternoon, my people come back and tack me up. Then suddenly I see my annoying rider again. Why doesn´t he just pick another horse to ride on so I don´t have to suffer from his annoying way of sitting on a horse.
The rider leads me to the big ring in the middle of the stadium and thousands of people start yelling, and screaming my name. Is this what it is like to be a movie star? Then my moment is disturbed by the horse behind me biting my but. Such arrogance! About ten other horses are lined up next to me on the starting line. Then I suddenly remember how annoying these things are!
Without warning, someone announces the race to begin; I fly forward, almost throwing of my rider. Sadly, he stays on, but I don´t let my bubble be burst and race on, crossing the finishing line ages before the others do!
That's what they call a real winner!

I hope you like my story. The story is told in first person point of view, by Champion Undaunted http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/2097804

[RenegadePegasus]

ping

My story is told in 1st person by Undaunted, and is named Toldja. It’s word count is 732.

Some people say a horse is only as good as his rider. Yeah right! I’m like, ten thousand times better than my rider. He wishes he could run like me! So does my brother, Unforgettable. His absolute lack of speed is what I call Unforgettable!

Today those handlers came to get me, well, tried that is. Those losers couldn’t even catch me in a barn stall! Eventually I got bored of them scrambling to put a halter on me and let them catch me.

They lead me out and I heard a stuck up whinny behind me. I whiped around, dragging my handler, and bared my teeth. My brother pretended to be surprised. “ Oh dear!” He said, smirking, “ Whatever did I do to earn your anger?” It was all I could do to keep from biting his insolent face off. “ You know I won’t take that crap from you, you big banana slug!” I say, satisfied with my comeback. Before he could say anything else, I turned around and kicked dirt in his face.

I turned my head and snorted at his face, which was contoured in anger. Ha, that was great. The handlers finally get a hold of me and load me in the trailer, puting Unforgettable in the stall next to me.

I reach my head over the door and whinny.
He looks up and smiles his crooked banana slug smile.”Guess who’s gonna win today? Guess, guess!” He says mockingly, flexing his muscles( if you want to call them “Ummm…” I say, “Ooh! I know! ITS GONNA BE ME SUCKA!” I yell. He snorts. “Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.”

I take my head and bring it back into my stall. Heh, he thinks he’ll win. As if! I lay down to rest my legs for beating him. Ah, how sweet it will be to beat him, AGAIN. Heh.

Finally we come to a stop. I am unloaded and put in a paddock, luckily far away from my brother. I take the time to eat and drink, then I find the perfect spot and lay down. Ah! I fall asleep and when I wake up, I see my jockey coming. He puts on my tack ( which is über awesome by the way) and get on top of me. I don’t really mind, mostly because he is so light.

He takes me to the track for a few practice laps, and after trotting for about 3 furlongs, I see Unforgettable out of the corner of my eye. I snort and keep trotting. Then I see him stumble and I let out a whinny of laughter! “Ha! You’ve got to be the clumsiest horse ever allowed on the track!” I neigh. He just glares daggers at me as a response.

After an hour of getting warmed up, we take a break and get a light breakfast. Then we warm up a bit more, and then I hear the trumpet announcing the race. My owner comes in riding on my mother, Generosity. My mom neighs “Boys! You best be getting along, or I'll Whip you more than your jockeys!” “Chillax ma,” I say, “My jockey doesn’t even have time to whip me before I win!” She just rolls her eyes and I hear Unforgettable snort.

“Time to go.” She says. She leads us onto the track, which is dirt. Ugh, I think, I hate dirt. I can’t get a good start on it. Our owner parades us to the gate, where I see other horses coming in. “Suckas!” I yell. “Prepare to get trampled! Heh heh.” I yell again.

I hear the trumpet sound, and my muscles tense. This is the moment we’ve all been waiting for… I think. I spring out of the gate before it’s even fully open. Next to me, I see Unforgettable surge ahead, filling me with anger. I slowly gain on him, and by the fifth furlong, were head to head.

Suddenly, though, Unforgettable gains a foot on me. There is only one furlong left! I put everything into my last push, and I come out an inch in front of my brother. I slow to a trot then to a walk as I catch my breath. I see my brother gasping for breath. “Awww, is the little baby banana slug tired? Aw, poor baby!” I smirk. “Toldja I’d beat you, sucka.”

[Southerngal]

...

Hi! Here's my probably bad entry, an entire 788 words
“Time to get to work, Buck!”
Buck laid quietly in front of the horse’s stables, looking around lazily. He would occasionally pull himself to his feet to move out of the way of one of the particularly excited horses, but otherwise the old * hound relaxed happily. Buck was going on his fifth year being the guardian of the racing horses at Flurry’s races, and despite the cats (he didn’t mind the kittens- he thought they were amusing- it was the momma cats he didn’t like), he liked it. He got fed by the handlers often, and had great company in the horses.
Today’s race was going to be small, just five horses, unlike the usual number. Buck pulled himself to his feet and padded along the stalls, learning a bit about the horses from the grooms talk. From what he saw of the horses, he assumed they would each put up a pretty good race, although two really stood out to him. The first was one they called Unforgettable- he was a tiny, young little thing, racing against his brother, Undaunted. Buck found this odd. Why would anyone want to run with a spindly little creature on their back, even if the creature had treats, against your younger brother? Buck was the oldest of his litter, and he never would race against his siblings because they were just so slow. It was no fun.
The other horse was the only mare, which buck of course also found odd. The usual races he watched would have a couple mares, but no, Hollywood Summer was the only mare. Buck thought, from what he had picked up over the years from the handlers, that she looked pretty well to race. She was tall and had a big chest- that’s what he thought racehorses should look like. She was calmer than all the other horses, which of course was a factor in Buck’s liking of her.
Listening to the groomers, he found out that the brother horses had been in lots of races before. Undaunted was a champion, with 27 firsts in racing, and his big brother was also a champion, but with 24 firsts. They seemed pretty fierce for the race, Buck thought. The other champion was the bay dun named Illusion, who the groomers made a point of saying he was a master champion, but only a champion in racing. Buck still didn’t understand all the title differences, and only yawned at this fact. The same went for Hollywood Summer- she was a master champion, but only a champion in racing. The only one Buck heard who didn’t have a title was Bourbaki- the humans said he had never gotten first place, but still looked sort of promising. Buck simply thought they all smelled and might step on his tail.
As he was resting peacefully in the shade of a tree, Buck was rudely awoken by the screaming of one of the colts. Sleepily peeling open one eye, Buck found that the race was starting. The horses were all prettied up and on their way to the track. He stood, and with one brave little kitten clinging tightly to his black coat, he trotted out with the horses, barking occasionally at them to get them going. He placed himself near the gates and waited for the race to start.
Watching the horses get loaded into the tiny cages, Buck jumped up so his front paws and chin were propped on the fence, and seemed to laugh as the kitten tumbled off only to jump up onto his head. Within moments the bell went off, and the horses ran around the ring. There seemed to only really be a fight for first- after about half the lap Bourbaki was settled into third, Illusion into fourth, and Hollywood Summer into fifth. Undaunted and Unforgettable were neck and neck (a funny phrase, Buck thought. Why measure at the neck when they could measure at the nose?), and neither was going to give up. The jockeys on the brothers were holding on for all they were worth, but still tried to urge the horses faster. Soon, the end came into sight. The horses were giving it all they got, but in the end, there would be no tie.
“First is Undaunted with 2:00.52, followed by Unforgettable with 2:00.81. Then comes Bourbaki a few lengths behind with 2:09.30, with Illusion coming in at 2:13.49 and Hollywood Summer with a final time of 2:18.38,” the announcer said, and Buck had to leave, too much cheering going on. Buck annoyedly laid out of the way of the incoming horses, his fun dampened for the time being.

Sorry for the longness

[Sawd10]

Please read everything before you post!

Hello everyone

I've always been a huge fan of writing; I've kept diaries for years and attempted at least 100 novels I thought it would be a fun idea to host a writing contest and get to know my fellow writers out there in the game


Rules

1. You have to write a creative short story about this race: http://www.horseworldonline.net/competi ... dition=371
2. Ideally, the story should be between 300-800 words in length
3. Absolutely no language or inappropriate content allowed- please write your stories as if your audience was a group of young children- or your grandma


Point System
I will be judging your stories based on a point system. There will be four categories I will be judging- Story Flow, Research, Interest, Grammar. You will get 0 points in a category if I don't feel you did particularly well in that area. You will get 5 points if I think you did an excellent job in that area. The player with the highest number of points in the end wins the contest

1. Story Flow (if your story has an outline and flows together well and structurally instead of just a jumble of words and phrases)
2. Research (if you obviously studied the race, its participants, etc. and implemented this into your story)
3. Interest (if you hold my interest throughout the story or not)
4. Grammar (if you use proper grammar or not. I understand that English is not everyone's first language, so I will not be focused on spelling as much as I will be focused on run on sentences, incomplete sentences, etc, etc.)


Prizes

1st place- $1,000,000
2nd place- $500,000
3rd place- $250,000



Contest will run until Monday, October 7th and will be judged Tuesday, October 8th

Sounds fun! I love stories.

The Unforgettable Race

This story is told by the 2nd place horse, Unforgettable.

I have had previous Owners. _h a z e l_ has so far, been my favorite. She was getting me ready for the big race. Racer is a World-Wide competition. Many racing horses come from near and far. I also over-heard my Owner talking to her friend Aliw1995 that she was taking her other horse, Undaunted. Despite the fact that we both have "Un" at the start of our names, Undaunted is my enemy. I have always hated him and I cannot wait for the day I beat him!
So yes, I am not the best race horse, yes, I have lost multiple times, but I love my owner! She will keep on pushing me and I will keep pushing and trying harder! I think we make a great team. _h a z e l_ and Undaunted are World champions, though. I am only a National Champion. Undaunted is very fast. Most of my losses are from him. He has won many, many, many times. But I think that Undaunted and _h a z e l_ don't have a very good bond! I think that _h a z e l_ and I have worked harder to get to where we are than Undaunted has!

My owner was giving me the most relaxing bath. I let out a big sigh. _h a z e l_ pet me and told me how good I was. Sometimes I wonder why she tells me I'm so good when I already know?
Anyway, after the bath she hooked me up in the cross ties and left me for a minute to go back and get the Blow Dryer. I was thinking about how the winner will be selected; _h a z e l_ will be racing me, while her sister _h a z e l2_ races Undaunted. I really hope we win! My thoughts were interrupted when my owner came back with my 2nd worst enemy: (Undaunted is my 1 enemy) THE BLOW DRYER.
She plugged it in and let me sniff it before turning it on. She turned it on. I try to act my best with this, I try!
I started to wiggle around when the air from the Blow Dryer hit me. It took a long time (I'm not going to tell you why, it's embarrassing) so I'll skip to after the Blow Dryer.

She put back the Blow Dryer. Her friend, Aliw1995 walked up to me. "Hi, boy! Guess who I am racing?" I love her. She's so nice! She always feeds me my favorite treats: Carrot Spice. "I am going to be racing your friend, Illusion!" She fed me a Carrot Spice treat and walked away. Yay, Illusion is coming! I thought.
So, I was done preparing. Good thing Aliw1995 was here to help my owner... It would be very slow-going without her!
_h a z e l_ walked me into my newly organized stall. It was beautiful. And goodness gracious that water was so clean I couldn't see a speck of dust in it! She fed me special food. It had a lot more flavor than my regular food. My regular food was so bland and disgusting!
I slowly dozed off after she left.

I woke up. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh it's the race day!! I thought.
_h a z e l_ brought me out. She loaded me in the trailer like we had practiced but this time, we were actually moving! I couldn't wait to see Illusion. Illusion is like my Brother.
After a long while we finally arrived. She walked me out of the trailer. I was a little uneasy. She walked me to the place we were staying. I don't remember the exact number, but I think it was something like D342.
It was very clean and pretty! I had a beautiful stall. I thought everything was so nice until they locked me in the stall and walked away. I could smell the smell anywhere. Undaunted. Undaunted looked through the stall window and pinned his ears back. "Ugh, you really think you stand a chance against me? Please. You know I crush you every time." He said.
"Every race is different. You may be last place this time. You never know." I replied.
But then, I smelled a different smell, a better smell! FOOD. I thought. They came in and fed me the special food I ate last night.
I was listening to Aliw1995. She was taking food in to a horse I haven't seen in forever! It's Illusion!
I nickered at him. He put his head through the stall window. "Hey, Hey, Hey, Unforgettable! Long time no see!"
Illusion was older than me. He was kind of like my mentor. He wasn't a super good race horse, either. "Hi!"
I tried to get a better look at him but I was too short.

It was time for the race.
My owner took me out and gave me one last grooming then we headed out into the arena. Everybody cheered for Undaunted but when I came out there were "Boos" "Ugh's" "Seriously?" "You really think you stand a chance against Undaunted?" And more discouraging comments but we had to keep going!
We went in the gates. They slammed louder than I thought. The gate sort of hit my rear end and made me jump. I started to move around in the stall.
Undaunted looked at me. "Keep that up and You'll be last. Oh, wait. You are always last. I rephrase: Something is going to happen. You'll spook out there. But Hey: Does it look like I care?" I pinned my ears back. Illusion looked over and said: "Hold it in. Let all your anger out when the gates open."

They played the horns: https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=be ... ORM=VRDGAR
The gates opened and we were off! As always, Undaunted took the rail and made it to first place. Illusion and I were 4th and 5th. Bourbaki was 2nd and Hollywood Summer was 3rd. I have raced against Bourbaki before. I know their strategy. They let all their energy out at the first part then they get very slow and usually end up last on somewhere around there.
I was making my way past Illusion. I was putting my life into this race. I managed to look down at my legs: They were moving faster than ever! I kept going until I eventually passed Illusion! With Illusion 1 length behind me, I made my way to Hollywood Summer. I had never raced against them before so this was something new!
Hollywood summer and I were neck-and-neck. Hollywood Summer looked very experienced. The horse looked over to me and started to go faster. I had to up my game. I broke out. I started running like never before!
Hollywood Summer was behind me by 1 half length. Alright, Bourbaki, I'm coming for you! I thought.
I remember looking ahead and seeing Bourbaki and Undaunted right beside each other.
I don't remember whether Bourbaki slowed down or Undaunted speeded up but I was right behind Bourbaki.
I was drenched in sweat but that didn't stop me! I was running, and I loved it. Undaunted did this to win, I did this for my owner, to win, AND because I love it! My neck was right at Bourbaki's shoulder. Bourbaki tried to bite me.
He obviously missed, but he didn't stop. He nipped at me again, and this time, he got me. I was angry. I pinned my ears back but didn't fight back. I ran faster and passed him. I looked back in delight and also saw that Hollywood Summer was last, Bourbaki third, and Illusion 4th. It was me Vs. Undaunted. I started gaining on him and he knew it.
I was moving faster than I ever had! My owner trusted me with this. She held on, directed me, but didn't hold me back. I was gaining fast. By this time I was on Undaunted's tail.
I was dripping like when I would have came out of the bath. It wasn't water, it was sweat.
I kept moving! This time I was near his shoulder. Undaunted sped up. I fell behind his rear end. He pinned his ears back. I thought he didn't mean anything but he did. He meant a kick in the face. It slowed me down. Then, I remember what Illusion had said: "Hold it in. Let all your anger out when the gates open." The gates had opened. My anger was level 10. I broke out faster than when I had said I broke out earlier! I broke out and reached FULL speed. I felt as fast as lightning! I was now right at Undaunted's face. I didn't want to cause a fight so I moved ahead of him. I was moving so fast! I was 3 lengths ahead of him! I started to get really tired. I had to keep going. But I wasn't going full speed anymore... I was tired and I was slowing down. I was slowing down a lot. Undaunted passed me with a wicked grin. The race was over. I had finished 2nd. I sighed.
I was sad, but I made it to second place. My legs were sore and aching. _h a z e l_ patted me. When she pets me I always get boosts of energy.
This sure was a fun race, but I didn't even know if I could stand up my legs were so sore and achy! I decided I shouldn't be so sour to Undaunted and congratulated his win. I remember his reply: "Whatever, Loser. Just remember: I will ALWAYS be better than you." He walked away. I was drenched in a blanket of warm sweat. That was the end of the race, all the people cheered for me. I will remember this race as long as I live.

The end.

Hope you liked it! I am terribly sorry it is so long. I didn't mean for that to happen! This was SO fun I am definitely going to A: Join anymore of these I see hosted and B: Host my own! Love it. Thanks!
-Sawd10

[h a z e l]

Results

1st Place:

..

Congratulations, you won the million dollar first place prize!
You got a total of 18 points- 4 for Story Flow, 5 for Research, 5 for Interest, and 4 for Grammar.
At first I wasn't sure if you would win because you didn't really focus on the actual race that much- but then I changed my mind . I loved your unique perspective and your story was excellent! It held my attention, flowed well, and you used grammar correctly. Wonderful job
Please link a rehomable horse for me to offer your money on!

2nd Place:

...

I absolutely loved your focus on the actual race Kam, great job
You earned 17 points- 4 for Story Flow, 5 for Research, 5 for Interest, and 3 for Grammar.
You had such a good story, I really enjoyed reading it Your perspective was neat, and I loved how you tried to give a background on each of the horses and me. You definitely did your research At the end of the day though, Southergal's grammar was better, so she takes first place.
Congrats , and please link a rehomable horse for me to offer your $500,000 on!

3rd Place:

...

Congratulations on third place Sawd!
You earned a total of 15 points- 3 for Story Flow, 4 for Research, 4 for Interest, and 4 for Grammar.
I absolutely loved your race description! I also liked how you told the story from the second place horse's point of view. The blow dryer incident was also pretty funny
Thank you so much for entering; I'm glad you enjoyed it! (I didn't mind one bit that your story was long )
Please link a rehomable horse for me to put your $250,000 on

Runner-Ups

...

...

I want to thank you both so much for entering I want to give you $150,000 for entering and for writing such good stories
Pegasus, you earned 14 points, you were only 1 point short of earning 3rd place You got 5 points for story flow, 3 for research, 4 for interest, and 2 for grammar. Your story flow was excellent and you held my interest, but your grammar hurt you in the end. I wasn't sure if I loved all of the dialogue between the two horses, but it was pretty amusing I want to thank you for entering, and I also want to say that you are a great writer I can't wait to see what you do with your section of the newsletter!
Lila, you earned 13 points- 3 for story flow, 2 for research, 4 for interest, and 4 for grammar. You had a great story! I liked your perspective, and I liked the humor you injected into a couple places in the story. However, your description of the actual race was only two or three sentences. I would have liked to see more about the race and more details period. I did genuinely enjoy your story though- I mean no offense Thank you so much for entering

[Madi10117]

ping

Hazel,

Thank you! I knew I was going to be dinged on my grammar as I forgot to check it. Please split my prize with the two who did not place. I feel that I do not need it and would like to share the wealth.


Kamichi

[RenegadePegasus]

ping

Thank you! I did think I went a little overboard with the dialogue, I really wanted it to seem like {TM} Undaunted was a snotty braggart. I mean that’s kind of how I see him, since he is pretty successful. Thanks again for holding this contest!

[Lila25172]

[quote="_h a z e l_"][size=200][b]Results[/b][/size]

[b]1st Place:[/b]
[quote="Southerngal"]..[/quote]
Congratulations, you won the million dollar first place prize! :D
You got a total of 18 points- 4 for Story Flow, 5 for Research, 5 for Interest, and 4 for Grammar.
At first I wasn't sure if you would win because you didn't really focus on the actual race that much- but then I changed my mind :lol:. I loved your unique perspective and your story was excellent! It held my attention, flowed well, and you used grammar correctly. Wonderful job :)
Please link a rehomable horse for me to offer your money on!

[b]2nd Place:[/b]
[quote="Kamichi Stables"]...[/quote]
I absolutely loved your focus on the actual race Kam, great job :D
You earned 17 points- 4 for Story Flow, 5 for Research, 5 for Interest, and 3 for Grammar.
You had such a good story, I really enjoyed reading it :) Your perspective was neat, and I loved how you tried to give a background on each of the horses and me. You definitely did your research :D At the end of the day though, Southergal's grammar was better, so she takes first place.
Congrats :D, and please link a rehomable horse for me to offer your $500,000 on!

[b]3rd Place:[/b]
[quote="Sawd10"]...[/quote]
Congratulations on third place Sawd! :)
You earned a total of 15 points- 3 for Story Flow, 4 for Research, 4 for Interest, and 4 for Grammar.
I absolutely loved your race description! I also liked how you told the story from the second place horse's point of view. The blow dryer incident was also pretty funny :lol:
Thank you so much for entering; I'm glad you enjoyed it! :D (I didn't mind one bit that your story was long :))
Please link a rehomable horse for me to put your $250,000 on :)

[b]Runner-Ups[/b]
[quote="RenegadePegasus"]...[/quote]
[quote="Lila25172"]...[/quote]
I want to thank you both so much for entering :D I want to give you $150,000 for entering and for writing such good stories :)
[b]Pegasus[/b], you earned 14 points, you were only 1 point short of earning 3rd place :oops: You got 5 points for story flow, 3 for research, 4 for interest, and 2 for grammar. Your story flow was excellent and you held my interest, but your grammar hurt you in the end. I wasn't sure if I loved all of the dialogue between the two horses, but it was pretty amusing :) I want to thank you for entering, and I also want to say that you are a great writer :) I can't wait to see what you do with your section of the newsletter!
[b]Lila[/b], you earned 13 points- 3 for story flow, 2 for research, 4 for interest, and 4 for grammar. You had a great story! I liked your perspective, and I liked the humor you injected into a couple places in the story. However, your description of the actual race was only two or three sentences. I would have liked to see more about the race and more details period. I did genuinely enjoy your story though- I mean no offense :) Thank you so much for entering :)[/quote]


Thank you so much for hosting this amazing contest! I really enjoyed writing a story for it! The link to the horse is down here: http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/2147824 I just put him up for offers! Thanks again!

[Southerngal]

...

I honestly didn't think I would get anything guess I was wrong? Thanks a lot though! I guess I could link this horse --> http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/2140196