<CS> Beauty and Storytelling Contest <ENDED>

[Tisha]

Good luck to everybody! Y'all have awesome story's!
Here's my horse! I horrible at writing but I'll try my best!
Gizmo


"Mom, guess what!!!" I said as I ran through the kitchen door.
"What is it Pam?" my mom said as she looked up from the enormous pile papers on our table.
"Mrs Jones says that she's giving me Gizmo for my birthday!! As long as it alright with you." I said the excitement mounting in my voice.
Mom looked at me and said "Pam, sit down we need to talk." Her voice sounded strained.
Slowly I walked over to the table and plopped down in a chair. Then I said "What is it Mom?"
My mom took a deep breath, that seemed to take eternity. When she finally did speak she spoke so very softly that I could barely hear her. "Honey, you can't have Gizmo."
"What!" I basically shouted. "But we have a barn and a great pasture!" I said hurriedly. "I know Pam" she said "but money has been tight lately. What are we going to feed Gizmo? Having a horse isn't cheap. You already have a dog and he's expensive enough." " but...mom!" I said louder then needed."I'm not arguing with you about this, Pam " my mom said sternly.
I could feel the tears coming now. "But Mom, all I've ever wanted is a horse of my own." Then I started bawling.
"Pam, come on. You know we can't just get a horse. Without the right funds." My mom said as she gave me a hug. "You wouldn't be able to take care of him properly."
"I know" I said still sniffling."But...Mrs Jones is probably going to sell him if I don't take him."
"Why would she sell him?" My mom asked looking puzzled.
"Well he's a older horse and she usually sells her older horses so she can have room for new ones." I said "Well I'm sorry, really I am I wish you could have Gizmo. But for this family it unrealistic." My mom said as she looked down at her pile of papers again.
"Ok well I'm going for a walk" I said shortly, and dashed out of the house.
I quickly walked the three miles to Mrs Jones ranch. She owned a nice sized ranch and many well trained horses. I walk right up to Mrs Jones front door and knocked.
"Hi Pam" Mrs Jones said as she opened the door. "Hi Mrs Jones, would you mind if I went and saw Gizmo?" "Of course you can Pam. Oh.. Your mom call me a little bit ago... I'm sorry." She said and gave me a sad look. "I'm sorry too Mrs Jones, real sorry." I said.
Then I went to see Gizmo. I walked into the stable and went to the third stall. There he was the prettiest stallion ever. I stroked his neck. "Hey boy" I said. He whinnied. I smiled, and almost started crying again. "Well Gizmo mom's right I wouldn't be able to take care of you. You deserve to be taken care of. I love you Gizmo. Good bye." I said and walked out of the stable.
The End.
You might want to reread I edited it a little bit.

Beauty component: 38/50
I like her eyes and training sheen. It's kind of too bad that I dislike Buckskins. I quite dislike them. Nothing against your horse, really.

Storytelling component: 39/50
Realistic and quite relatable. I liked your story!

Total: 77/100

Rating: Great!

[Tisha]

Neon Spring Time

The Little Mare Who Helps (and why you should always talk to the groom)

The small, delicate-looking bay mare was in the Sales pasture, grazing. Her groom approached her slowly, respectfully; I followed her example, keeping my body language and voice quiet. The horse came alert as we came closer, raising her head. I could guess why she was studying us: 'Two humans? My good human and a stranger?'

The groom's greeting, "Springtime!", inspired a happy nicker as the mare trotted up to her trusted human.

"Hey, sweetie, how are you doing? Like some attention? Here's someone who wants to meet you." The groom ("call me Fillah; it's short for Phillippa") stroked the mare's head, rubbing around her ears and under her jaw. This evoked more happy sounds, as if the mare were greeting her foal ... or replying, as a foal, to her own dam.

"She really likes you! Do you think she could trust new people -- you said she's shy ..."

"Good little girl ..." murmured Fillah, hugging the mare's neck with one arm, and motioning me closer with the other. "She's a mirror; gives back whatever she gets. Give her love, like this, and she'll be your friend. You can ask the owner when she gets here. Thing is, there's only so much room here, and she turned out too small, not a Kathiawari as we were expecting. So she's "Half Baladi" and not very many buyers think that's good."

"Baladis can be good! Even halfs, crosses, parts, and mixes." Buttercup taught me that -- a useful lesson.

"So you like that breed! What else drew you to her?"

"First I saw her trotting across the pasture; she's graceful! That classic Arabian look, with the uplifted head and tail, and smooth action. She looks like an ideal Arabian from the 1960s, when I first learned about them. There was a preference for flat croups then. In 1973 I had to make an effort not to think of Secretariat having a 'wrong' topline. Fashions have changed since then, but I still think of this conformation as attractive."

Fillah grinned at that; she remembered the racehorse's sloping hipline and glorious speed. "This one's not exactly a track racer, but she can sprint when she needs to. Good in games; my granddaughter rode her in a few 4-H shows, barrel racing and pole bending,"

"So she's OK with kids and shows? There's that Breeders' comment about not knowing a cat from a dog ..."

"Those darn reports! They should have asked me, instead of getting stuff second and third hand. A few days after she was born, and the first day she was outdoors with her mother, a really noisy, silly little dog got into the pasture, yapping and running at her. Spring has always been sensitive and that idiot dog scared her, so she ran straight to her dam and hid underneath the mare's belly. Which was the right thing for a foal to do. Spring's dam stood over her and grabbed that dumb dog by the scruff of the neck, shook it, and threw it into the air! The fool beast landed and ran like lightning out of the pasture!

"For a few days after that Spring was very watchful about everything that moved, even butterflies and barn cats. But as she saw how the other horses lived, she got it sorted out. So she may not understand everything the first time around, but she always tries, and what she learns she remembers. And she's a good, loving, protective broodmare. That very same thing, a barking dog in the pasture, happened five years later with Spring's own foal, and she did exactly what her dam did!"

We both laughed at that image, and Spring nuzzled my neck. "Good Springtime!" I smiled and rubbed around her ears, and received her responsive nicker. "Our farm is a big place. We can make room for Spring and her foals.”

Always remembering what Fillah told me, I have made sure that Springtime has horse and human companions who are kind to her. Not just a mirror or echo, Spring shows respectful attention to others and is nurturing to all foals. She inspires others to treat her well in turn.

One morning in the pasture, there was unusual activity: three horses were standing very close together, while two others were approaching the cluster with hay in their mouths. As I got closer, I understood: Spring was the middle horse of the three, with her head down and eyes half shut – an image of sorrow. Behind her was a tiny still form in the grass: her foal, born dead. The other two mares, close friends in size and age, were nuzzling her and sharing warmth. The lead mare and stallion were bringing her food, showing their care as best they could.

The next day a neighbor came to the farm and asked help with an orphan foal. Thanks to Spring, the newborn colt had the love, food, and protection he needed, and grew up healthy. She raised several foals of her own, and they are showing promise in training.

Spring occasionally travels to shows with us; her presence calms the young horses and pleases everyone. She watches and listens, and she knows which of her companions has done well or needs consoling – she greets them with appropriate sounds and motions when they return from the ring. One afternoon recently she showed so much interest in the Pole Bending competition that one of my students asked if they could enter. “Okay, if you can get her tacked up in time,” I replied – and was happy to see the old mare and young man take a third place in a mid-level show!

Springtime has given so much to the farm, its horses, and its people. She is a cherished mare and we will always take good care of her.

Beauty component: 41/50
Pretty little mare, with a metallic sheen, along with good weight management and a nice conformation.

Storytelling component: 49/50
I liked your story, a lot. It had a happy tone along with great details and descriptions. It made me feel for Springtime, too. Which I think is the most important aspect.

Total: 90/100

Rating: Awesome!!!

[Tisha]

Holding the legendary name of dragons from a time long ago, he holds himself steady, breathing deep... his lungs taking in air, and letting go. The air is cold as ice, clashing with every breath. Steam rolls from his muzzle while his knight shifts upon his back. Armor clanks together. Hiding away in the snowy mountains, in the fog, the cavalry await their enemy. They weren't sure what to expect, there were only complaints of farmers whom lived at the base of the mountains that their animals were disappearing. The expectation was wolves, maybe an ice cat. So the King had ordered his knights to scout the mountains for any beast whom may dwell there.
Snow silently falls. The knights and horses stand in an open field surrounded by rock. One side is a continuous incline that heads further up the mountains, while the other is a cliff offering a deadly fate into the unknown. An echo through the valley sends shivers up their already cold spines. The knights mount their horses, some draw their swords, making ready for whatever is to come, but not Dovakiin. He stands silently with his mount, sharply looking out to the white atmosphere, never wincing at what the blind fog stows away.
He could feel something coming, every animal instinct inside was screaming to run! The knights horses in formation began to toss their heads, grunting and pawing the ground. Dovakiin fought the fear eating at him inside. He is stood fast, he lets out a snort anticipating the next few moments. Suddenly, there is no sound. No wind and no squirrels chattering in the trees while the snow continued to eerily fall.
A blasting gust of wind came out of nowhere from the wings of a dark beast. Landing on the cliff side, its eyes were of embers, saliva spit through its teeth while it snapped its jaws. "DRAGON!?" The legends were true! While dragons were just stories to be told by knights and a kings men, this one was very much alive.
The knights charged after the beast. Spears and arrows were flung into it's flesh while swords carved it. The dragons rear feet were sliding off the edge while the ground began to give way. "Push men, push!" The knights continued to encourage the injured beast to fall, thinking they had the upper hand. The ground split and fell and the dragon went with it. Cheers broke the air and the knights and horses felt relief. Dovakiin looked over the cliff side but could see nothing but white. If they had defeated this winged lizard... why did Dovakiin's stomach still turn?
A scream boomed, the dragon fell from the sky behind them and landed, sending snow and dirt flying! It snarled as blood dripped from its nose and its wounds sat open. It screamed and roared, blocking anymore spears thrown. The tables have turned. The dragon got closer and closer, it spun and whipped 3 men and their horses off the side of the mountain. Their screams fell faint as their bodies descended. Some knights turned and galloped away, but one was snagged by the beasts claws and thrown into the rocks. Dovakiin quickly made his way to the hind side of the dragon while it was attacked by the other men and horses. His knight pierced the dragons waste. Letting out a shriek, it reared up and let out a blast of flames! The fire reflected in Dovakiins eyes. His knight jumped from his back and fought the dragon on foot. Dovakiin ran out in front to take its attention off the remaining knights. "Retreat! Get out of here, stop fighting and run! Save your life!" Dovakiin whinnied to his officers. The mounted horses bolted, saving their riders lives while others ran in panic to find their men. The dragon reached and tried to snatch the escaping few, but missed. Dovakiin rounded up some men and horses to send them down the mountain while his knight ran up the rocks, leading the dragon away with enough time for the remaining to flee. "Hurry get out of here!" Dova shouted as the last of the kings knights ran away and disappeared in the fog and snow saving their own lives. Dovakiin turns back, the dragon had his rider, his friend, in it's grasp. Pressing him into the ground, trapping him in it's claws. The dragon was screaming, threatening to devour him. "NO!" Dovakiin whinnied and heaved himself after the dragon. The dragon scraped his armor with its claws making a screeching sound. It pricked its other hand on the horn of Dovakiin's armored face mask. "You cannot take him!" He yelled. He stabbed the dragon's other hand that held his knight hostage. It yelped and let him go for a brief moment. Dovakiin leaped and stood over his partner. He looked down and nickered at his bantered rider, hoping he could understand... "you die, I die."
The dragon came back to face him. It hissed in confusion, not grasping this stallions deep loyalty to his rider. The knight tries to stand, holding onto Dovakiin's side. He coughs, spitting up blood but refusing to back down. He lifts himself and mounts up to his armored saddle. Dovakiin bolts, trying to escape down the mountain after their fellow knights, but the dragon lands right in front of them. Dovakiin nickers in discouragement... there's no escape. If they head further up the mountains, they would freeze to death over night, going off the cliff is suicide... to stand and fight was the only option for a knight. His rider urges him forward yelling the horses' name, "Dovakiin!" They run towards the dragon as the dragon opens its jaws, with fire surging within. His rider yells down to him, "you die, I die!"
Dovakiin slides to a stop and sends himself rearing as tall and mighty as he is able. Lashing out his hooves, his knight draws his sword and carries it high. This moment was their last, as if it were to be slowed in time. Dovakiin neighed and screamed at the dragon living up to the name of Dovakiin, a hero.. a knight.

Beauty component: 35/50
Well, North African Barbs are somewhat more unusual than Arabians. Still, points to you for managing his weight well!

Storytelling component: 38/50
A action packed story indeed. Too bad they both died in the end. I still kind of kind it hard to believe that the NAB can carry a knight with armour when I look at his strength comment though.

Total: 73/100

Rating: Good.

[Tisha]

West
this horse is on my second account

It was a witery cold, bone chilling december. I’ve been lost for over 3 days now and hunger is starting to get at me. All i could do was winnie in loneliness in the snow storm. I started to here galloping, it was getting louder and louder. Pure white, whiter than snow; stallions canter past me. It was like i was part of them. So i start to gallop with them. The started to loom out off my sight. They were to fast for my little trembling legs. All i had left in was to winnie out to them. No answer. I started to fall. Everything around me starts to go black, a scary dark pitch black like i was falling into the depths of the earth.

I feel a sharp wincing pain in my neck. I look up and there is a black figure looking down at me. I start to tremble all over in fear. The creature backed away and started to walk over to something. It looked like I was in a middle of a field white from snow and has a wood barracked surrounding it trapping me inside.

Beauty component: 34/50
Erm... I can't tell if he'll varnish or not. Though, judging by his conformation score, he won't be a bad looker.

Storytelling component: 36/50
Good try! It was quite original. I hope you don't mind me correcting your English.
Winnie should be whinny. (I hope you meant that)
Here should be hear.
Thanks for the effort you put in.

Total: 70/100

Rating: Good.

[Toadally]

Beauty component: 41/50
I like his coat and training sheen. His fit condition gives him extra points too.

Story component: 39/50
I liked your story, it was quite realistic and detailed, with good English and grammar. I used to breed log pull horses too. So I do like the reference.

Total: 80/100

Rating: Great!

Wow, I never thought I would even manage to get a rating .I really enjoyed being able to share my thoughts in this competition, although my story could have used more of a background to. I hope to participate in other competitions that will be held in the future .

[Scythian]

Neon Spring Time

The Little Mare Who Helps (and why you should always talk to the groom)

...

Springtime has given so much to the farm, its horses, and its people. She is a cherished mare and we will always take good care of her.

Beauty component: 41/50
Pretty little mare, with a metallic sheen, along with good weight management and a nice conformation.

Storytelling component: 49/50
I liked your story, a lot. It had a happy tone along with great details and descriptions. It made me feel for Springtime, too. Which I think is the most important aspect.

Total: 90/100

Rating: Awesome!!!

Thanks from me and Springtime. BTW, she appears in Baladi Points rankings.

[Tisha]

Thanks from me and Springtime. BTW, she appears in Baladi Points rankings.

Well, you won the first place, what would you like to claim? Free trainings, a fully trained racehorse or money?

[Scythian]

Thanks from me and Springtime. BTW, she appears in Baladi Points rankings.

Well, you won the first place, what would you like to claim? Free trainings, a fully trained racehorse or money?

Please train these 3 youngsters. I've posted them with this headline and comment:

for Champi0nBr66der3 -- training

Links:

Illuminated Magic
http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1000046

Daystar's Gold
http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/1001896

Rosetta
http://www.horseworldonline.net/horse/profile/948089

Thanks again.

[Tisha]

The other two winners will be announced.
The Scores:
79SS 70SB 65OA T280 LH77 MA84 AN82 ZE66 GV78 JL77 SC90 BP73 MD70

Congrats, you won second. Please pick a prize.

Congrats, you won third. Please pick a prize.

[meganamber]

The other two winners will be announced.
The Scores:
79SS 70SB 65OA T280 LH77 MA84 AN82 ZE66 GV78 JL77 SC90 BP73 MD70

Congrats, you won second. Please pick a prize.

Congrats, you won third. Please pick a prize.

I would like 2 free trainings please